Showing posts tagged with “life”

Would it make a difference if…

I had given you all the finer things in life?

I had given and thrown you all the money I had?

I had given you 10,000 bucks a month and helped you buy our house?

I had extra money to help you with my siblings’ school expenses?

I am still working my ass out with a job you hated because it’s pointless to you?

Would it? Tell me. Because if it’s just about that, then you’re a hell lot of a disappointment like I am. And just so you know, I was expecting, out of everybody else in the world, that you will be the first to understand my situation. You’ll be the one who knows how terrified I am. You’ll be the one who knows how I feel, because I thought you felt this too.

Because maybe, deep down inside I thought that if not for you. If not for your decision to keep me, or to push through with what happened… I wouldn’t be here at all. 

Wide Awake

Super duper active and alive. I can’t sleep, I don’t want to. I want to feel him. I get most of my positivity and courage from him. He’s one of my inspirations and motivations now.

I have never imagined myself to feel and think this way. Maybe not so soon. Maybe not this time. But God proved me wrong, I proved myself wrong. I am capable of everything, I am strong enough for what God has planned for me and for the future. 

My boyfriend, Paulo, and I have been together for quite a while now. We’ll be exactly 7 months together, tomorrow, August 3. 

We haven’t been together long enough to compare to other’s 2-4 year-long relationships but I know for sure that there are things we know about each other now. Simple, tiny, little things that your partner knows about you that makes you feel that he listens, he understands, he loves you.

We have been in the most rocky road we ever have taken in our lives. Our relationship isn’t perfect. We quarrel here and there. I get paranoid, stressed-out, fed-up. He gets tired of me, nagging and demanding. But that’s normal. 

After a fight, I never thought he’d been through so much these past few days. I can say, he changed and sacrificed, adjusted and faced a lot. Not just for him, but for me and our relationship. I was here trying to figure things out, trying to stop myself to weigh and measure his love, faith in me, in us. And there he is, fighting for us all along.

We talked a while ago. Well, we don’t have much time to talk about things with all the details but at least we did. After knowing what had happened, I can say, he’s so strong. I am so proud of him.

He loves me, and he will not leave me. He even tried not to let his teardrops fall. To show me that he’s with me in the battle. He will be by my side. I just have to have faith and trust. 

Oh, he brought me my favorite. Jollibee’s Jolly Hotdog Classic. Maybe a peace offering. But it was so thoughtful of him. Knowing that I may be craving for it and I would love to eat it. He said to eat it right away, but I chose to save it for later. Knowing that it would make me happy. 

He knows what I want, what I usually order in restaurants and fastfood. What I love to eat. What will I probably be craving for. 

I miss him so much. I would have embraced him to death if it’s possible. I would have kissed him until both of us can’t breathe. 

We’ll hold on to each other. We’ll never give up. God has plans for us. And being together is a part of it, I know for sure. 

“Sometimes, forgiveness is selfish. We give it not because it’s earned, but because it’s what we need. To find peace. To be whole.”